CRIPPLE HAMMER HERE, CRIPPLE HAMMER THERE, Canon never cripple anywhere!?

Canon’s mythical cripple hammer needs a theme tune… an anthem. With this Berlin industrial dance band AND ONE I think I’ve found one.

TURN THE VOLUME UP!

Take this deadly tool and feel the daily routine
You go to work for money and for me
A cripple hammer here, a cripple hammer there
Cripple hammer lovely tool you’ll take it everywhere
Cripple hammer lovely tool tell me what I am
Treating you is the only thing I can
Thank you for the money, help me to survive
Cripple hammer, cripple hammer help me to stay alive

Canon officially say the cripple hammer doesn’t exist. But we all know it does. We’ve seen it swing and bash things.

The Canon C70 doesn’t have an EVF.

But the cripple hammer doesn’t exist. We all know the C70 is far too cheap at $5,499.00 to have an EVF.

You cannot expect such a cheap camera to have something that a consumer $500 mirrorless camera has. It’s BUSINESS. Not HAMMER.

If the C70 had included an EVF like your $1000 mirrorless camera or a Panasonic S1, it would have cost $200,000 – even more than that 86K GoPro thing Newshooter pimped recently.

Canon the EOS R5 be used as a hammer?

I asked an expert on hitting things, Mr Bam, if the EOS R5 could be used as a hammer.

Mr Bam:

“It’s a much better hammer than an 8K camera. I can hit my subject for longer than 20 minutes with R5, and for 10 minutes with the cheaper R6 hammer. R5 is a pioneering hammer. In-house Canon use it as a hammer themselves to knock the EVF off cheaper Cinema EOS cameras. Nice useless lump of magnesium alloy perfect weight. Great hammer but I hope nobody bought it for video, especially now the C70 is out. That would be idiotic”

Thank you Mr Bam for that opinion.

HELP! I bought an EOS R5 expecting to use it for professional video

NO SYMPATHY! You should have waited for the Canon C70! IDIOT. FOOL!

Sure, it isn’t full frame, you won’t get 8K, you won’t get RAW, you won’t get IBIS, you won’t get an EVF, it isn’t wet weather proof, the battery is on the outside and looks stupid, and you still have to use a wobbly HDMI cable…

And yes it does cost even more…

But this is your OWN FAULT for missing out on all the missing features because you bought an EOS R5 instead!

With the R5 you got all the features with the added bonus of it being the most unreliable camera Canon ever made, so be satisfied!

Canon will not apologise for you being an idiot. Who REALLY believed it’d be a capable tool on set as Canon described on their official website?! Just carry on pulling the battery in the time/date menu and shut up. Your $4000 is spent. Gone. It is the Japanese corporate approach – spend money, shut up and problems will simply vanish.

WE DO NOT CRIPPLE OUR CAMERAS!

This is an accusation we’ve seen before which belongs on the conspiracy theory pile. It is simply not a sensible business idea as users are more likely to switch to competitor systems than buy a much more expensive camera to get a certain feature. Nobody even switched to Sony or Panasonic.

We do not ‘cripple’ our cameras, our aim is always to focus the product better to the typical user.

There are factors that govern what a camera can and cannot do, the primary of which is the components used, based on the cost of the camera.

This is why your $1000 Fuji mirrorless camera has an EVF and the $5500 Canon C70 doesn’t.

Making a camera that can do everything would require higher resolution viewfinders, bigger buffers, faster processors to handle the data, faster card buses to write to cards etc, all components which typically cost more.

Also the entire internet under the spell of our PR and marketing division is getting very expensive so we need to increase product margins by 1000%.

It simply isn’t possible to do this kind of marketing for $5500. You must spend $15,000. You Must.

It is important that we evaluate the primary customer for each product and decide what features would be required by that typical user.

One issue manufacturers face is feedback that cameras are difficult to use and some people prefer to use their smartphones.

Especially wedding videographers.

Canon C50 coming soon?

Rumours say it costs $100 and features an EVF!

You have been warned!