The Canon fight back begins – with a box

Canon T5i bundle for aspiring filmmakers

Canon is repackaging a selection of their DSLRs to appeal more to video producers. Writ large with the phrases “FULL HD” and “SELFIE” the bundles come with one of Rode’s cheapest mics and a 32GB SD card. The standard kit zoom (18-55mm) is provided as normal. Prices are anything but low end though with the bundles ranging from a hefty $899 for the T5i to a GH4/NX1 busting $1649 for the 70D.

DARE TO DREAM says the box.

But accountants rarely have interesting dreams.

This box sees the world through a swirl of selfies and action sport.

All captured in a veritable amusement park of moire.

Detail slithering and wreathing through the moire frequencies onto the screens of people who don’t care.

If you buy this bundle you are not an artist and never will be, because you too do not care.

You just do not care about the art of filmmaking and you don’t even understand how to get a good deal.

You will never produce content that is viewed outside the bubble we live in today, a pin prick of history which will be forgotten as soon as the world gets smarter.

You will never have the pleasure of poetry. Visuals that sing and dance in your head, that you must share with other people and devote your life to the cause. You’re not a filmmaker.

If you shoot with this bundle you are merely a vessel through which the universe expresses every possible outcome, almost all of it gibberish.

As a person, you will become the 18-55mm kit lens you so assumed was a mark of quality. Like that lens you’re an imposter under the valued brand of Humanity. Eventually the brand will be devalued because of you.

The selfie screen allows you brief confirmation that you were alive. Nobody will remember what you saw in the mirror because it wasn’t worth seeing… let alone recording to that $15 32GB SD card.

You can do tricks… you can jump and shout… all captured by the Rode Mic Go. But do you hear that white fizz of background noise? That is a million other people doing the same, for no other reason than it is easy.

Doesn’t it feel satisfying to press the button on YouTube that publishes your proof of existence?

It is the same chemical that once pulses through the mind of marketing suits who created this Canon box.

It’s a feedback loop of self loving.

Created by people with nothing to say and nothing to do.

Meanwhile the real minds and artists discover Pluto. Discover new boundaries in semiconductors. Push and pull at the seam of the established technologies until something world changing happens.

Canon are having their Kodak moment.

And the very definition of a moment is that it is brief.