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my first film, again


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7 minutes ago, webrunner5 said:

I, I, I am speechless LoL. Ok, what cheap ass camera did you use? :grin: I know you did not go out and rent a Arri.

haha, I never know how to read your posts, web :grimace:

but no, of course not. a single Arri is useless. you need two in a mirror rig to make full use of the 20 stops

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1 minute ago, webrunner5 said:

Well I do like the dark mood of it, but to me a little too much grain and a little too much dialog with out a scene change. Ergo, it sort of got boring ,and I really stopped paying attention to what they were saying in the end. Sorry , that is what I see. :grimace:

Haha, fine with me! That was at least more specific than "speechless". Yeah, it's a weird film. Thanks for watching.

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7 minutes ago, Liam said:

Haha, fine with me! That was at least more specific than "speechless". Yeah, it's a weird film. Thanks for watching.

Well you know what IS good about it, is that I did not pay any attention to what kind of camera you are using! And that is what you want to convey,  it looked Filmic. You did great on that part. So what ever you are doing camera wise, tweak it a little and I think it will be golden to the audience that views it.  :glasses:

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SPOILERS if you haven't watched... 

Its a whole bunch of close ups I can see this is the same person is that what was conveyed by the shoes off at the same time? Im not sure what the ring was trying to say but it meant something...or did it....

it feels like your flirting with the movie types like "The Waking Life" and "A scanner darkly" you have to show not tell... you were discussing universal things... I would raid all the stock footage I could and cut to it to show your point.... talking about major deaths you could cut to grainy news footage showing bodies...(dont have to be super graphic or it COULD)  when you speak of Hitler  you could cut to Clips of "Triumph of Will" when speaking of dumb people you could show 1984 clips of people just marching to work like drones in the style of  "koyaanisqatsi" type time lapses watching TV or 50's footage of an Idealized turkey dinner...

You talk about sex you could cut to people crying some Jerry springer type show or something... etc

you need more wide shots perhaps you could get a friend to sit there...  or you could shoot a plate from the perspective of the bed looking at you sitting in the chair the chair and shoot your back in the same perspective...

I still dont get the power strip with the light coming on.... 

I get the impression this is a person talking to himself in an inner dialogue....like he is deciding to go Kill? or is he just getting drunk??

Also all the stuff was in focus and I could hear it pretty well and the color looked like early morning to me.

I know saying this stuff is alot easier than doing it... I should a been a critic!

its alot easier to put paint on somebody else's  house than to plan dig a foundation and build your own!

I wish I could flow with ideas like this for my own shit. But just remember I am some nobody on a message board... and I may not even be real 

 

 

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31 minutes ago, Juxx989 said:

SPOILERS if you haven't watched... 

Its a whole bunch of close ups I can see this is the same person is that what was conveyed by the shoes off at the same time? Im not sure what the ring was trying to say but it meant something...or did it....

it feels like your flirting with the movie types like "The Waking Life" and "A scanner darkly" you have to show not tell... you were discussing universal things... I would raid all the stock footage I could and cut to it to show your point.... talking about major deaths you could cut to grainy news footage showing bodies...(dont have to be super graphic or it COULD)  when you speak of Hitler  you could cut to Clips of "Triumph of Will" when speaking of dumb people you could show 1984 clips of people just marching to work like drones in the style of  "koyaanisqatsi" type time lapses watching TV or 50's footage of an Idealized turkey dinner...

You talk about sex you could cut to people crying some Jerry springer type show or something... etc

you need more wide shots perhaps you could get a friend to sit there...  or you could shoot a plate from the perspective of the bed looking at you sitting in the chair the chair and shoot your back in the same perspective...

I still dont get the power strip with the light coming on.... 

I get the impression this is a person talking to himself in an inner dialogue....like he is deciding to go Kill? or is he just getting drunk??

Also all the stuff was in focus and I could hear it pretty well and the color looked like early morning to me.

I know saying this stuff is alot easier than doing it... I should a been a critic!

its alot easier to put paint on somebody else's  house than to plan dig a foundation and build your own!

I wish I could flow with ideas like this for my own shit. But just remember I am some nobody on a message board... and I may not even be real 

 

 

I really appreciate your time, thank you. It might not be beneficial for me to respond to each point and get defensive.. I'm a little stubborn, and I know it's a problem, so I'm sorry if any of this comes across as snotty (but hey I may not be real either, so doesn't matter). I'm just not really looking for ways to "improve" the film. Those notes could be an interesting new direction to take it; I just don't think it would be this film anymore at all. I generally agree with show-don't-tell, but I don't think the dialogue tells the story here, so they're speaking, but not telling. And yeah, my resources were limited, so I played both parts. I tried to distinguish them, but I'm okay with someone reading it as an internal thing

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We have talked about your short numerous times and I think I had some of the same theories as Juxx. I know you're not trying to change it or make it different but here's an idea anyway... if you filmed one wide shot for the end of the piece that showed you sitting next to a mirror, the whole short would come together. I know you don't like "twist" endings but in all honesty... you wrote it in a way that just begs for that twist, so why fight your own material? A good friend of mine always makes a really interesting point... he is a writer/director/editor and when he shoots his script, he calls the writer a moron... when he edits his footage he believes the director had his head up his ass.

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1 hour ago, mercer said:

We have talked about your short numerous times and I think I had some of the same theories as Juxx. I know you're not trying to change it or make it different but here's an idea anyway... if you filmed one wide shot for the end of the piece that showed you sitting next to a mirror, the whole short would come together. I know you don't like "twist" endings but in all honesty... you wrote it in a way that just begs for that twist, so why fight your own material? A good friend of mine always makes a really interesting point... he is a writer/director/editor and when he shoots his script, he calls the writer a moron... when he edits his footage he believes the director had his head up his ass.

Ah, Mercer, my old nemesis. No, I really do appreciate it, haha. I just see so many twist ending short films. None of them stick with me. And it negates anything that happened up to that point. The human aspects I liked of this film are disregarded as sociopathic, and it probably starts to feel like even longer of a film, if that's one of its downsides, because nothing that's happening matters, it's all just a "wait for the twiiiiiiiist....!!" No version of me; writer, director, or editor; wants a twist. And that sort of conflict between the three actually seems like it could be dangerous for the film.. it could keep the process exciting, and it's a catchy concept, but I think that's one thing Sidney Lumet, for example, speaks directly against.

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